tell your sister to shave her snatch
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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