the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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