i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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