I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
