when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
