I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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