i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
