Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
