Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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