if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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