her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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