Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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