hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
