Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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