What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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