I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
