I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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