I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
