my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
