She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
