wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
