Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
