maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I believe in your delicious
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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