I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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