my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
no. you can't hotbox the world.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
