i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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