You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
