I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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