You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
