you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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