I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
