dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize