In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
