omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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