batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
