so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
