Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
