You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
