Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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