break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
