so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
