do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
