The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
