to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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