Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
