I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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