hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
