so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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