Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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