i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
