Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
