Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
We need to feng shui this bitch.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
