Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
