Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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