I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
