Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I have aggressive nipples.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
