I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
